The Diary of A Fierce Woman: Part One

Growing up as a very vibrant and hopeful child, I was full of life and only saw the good in the world. Of course, I knew a part of the world was already tainted, even before I was born but I chose to see the rainbows and butterflies instead.

I needed to always see the beauty and ignore the ugliness, hoping that only the sunshine and sweet rains will shower on me.

My perception of life was pure and full of so much innocence. I wanted to always see the good in people pushing the idea of evil behind the pile of goodness in my mind. What would you have expected from a naive child like me?

Like I said, I was only a child. My naiveté was a result of my youthful innocence.

I had big plans for myself. I started to plan every aspect of my life even to when and how I will meet the man of my dreams. Now that I think about it, the romance fictions were really getting to my head. Maybe they still are. I wanted to study abroad and travel around the world. I wanted to live life with less worry and constantly smiling.

And I did travel abroad to study if you would consider the neighbouring country as abroad. I haven’t seen the world yet, but there is still time for that, hopefully.

I’ve always wanted to be a model but I was told I was too short, so I moved on to something else. Well, at that age the idea of choosing a career was fun and intriguing. My curious mind wanted to try everything, I was very impulsive but I was just a child and I still needed to learn.

Life was really happening, things were changing. That little girl needed to grow claws and fangs to fight the monsters around her. They were no longer hiding under her bed or in those storybooks she read. She started to see the World for what it was, the storybooks were wrong. There was no fairytale ending, the Prince Charming and Royal castles were only a dream. Life didn’t end, death was the painful and evil predator. Reality finally struck, rearing its ugly head. Oh, that girl finally learned!

Looking back now, I’m glad that innocent girl finally grew wings. She needed to soar, though she is still flying, she will soar soon. She is still learning to fight the monsters in this world.

Although she grew up too fast, she became a fierce woman. That little girl is no more, I may still share some similarities with her but life has played it hand. Maybe some of her innocence is still here.

I have learnt to live life a day at a time. What’s the rush? Didn’t they say you only live once? I have accepted that life is a battlefield and I will give it all I’ve got. I’m grateful for that girl, this life wasn’t good for her, maybe the next will. I know that I have to keep on living, even though death lurks behind shadows, life isn’t life until you stop living. So I just live, live and live…